Mọi người sửa giúp mình bài này với ạ

majesticanhthaopham

Thành viên
Tham gia
9/4/2023
Bài viết
1
TOPIC: Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task:

In modern society, most teenagers choose to study and work at home instead of going to work or studying at school. Some people think that technology is becoming more and more popular because of cheaper and more comfortable. From my point of view, I partially concur with the idea that technology is comfortable and easy for the user.
In this day and age, remote work and study online are becoming prevalent because they have many positive effects. The most obvious advantage of working from home and learning subjects online is that it saves us a large amount on commuting. Not only that employees also can find all of the courses on the internet such as Maths, English,... Moreover, people who remote work also come with flexible schedules, which means that workers can start and end their day as they choose.
As opposed to the benefits derived from remote work and studying online is its harm. A major drawback associated with studying online is that it is a challenge to focus 100 percent on the study because of distractions by things like movies or games,... Not only that, distractions at work will have negative effects on and are likely to make more errors at work. Moreover, citizens who at home is difficult to develop social skills such as communication, and teamwork skills,... So, it will cause you might experience feelings of loneliness and isolation sometimes. By far the most important advantage of traveling to a school or workplace is that you will have a co-worker or close friends who always have you come rain or shine.
To return to my original idea, studying and working at home brings both pros and cons. Even so, I agree that it is suitable for
each different person.
 
Có vẻ như bạn học writing bằng các bài samples mà không có kĩ năng phân tích đề với học viết theo giai đoạn đúng không?
Ở phần intro, bạn chưa paraphrase hết đề bài (thiếu adult working from home) và dùng sai đối tượng (teens vs children khác nhau). Câu chốt quan điểm không trả lời đúng câu hỏi của đề là trend này có lợi hay có hại.

Nhiêu đó thôi đã làm bài bạn không qua được 6.0 bên phần Task Response rồi.
 
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